Birdemic: Shock and Terror (James Nguyen, 2008)

The terror in the title is not avian in nature; it’s a terror that’s telegraphed by the seemingly-interminable opening, where we take the point of view of a passenger inside a traveling vehicle. It’s the gradual terror of realizing you’re stuck inside something heavy and deadly and that you are powerless to do anything save stare at the silent trees and the scolding sky outside the window; to stare anywhere other than at your clueless driver-captor-director with the shaky hands and dodgy hearing and a weakness for either tuning his radio to the Captain & Tennille station or speaking in idiot-cliché-tongues when he wants to convey something “meaningful.” What is worse that this film’s awfulness is its apathy, its laziness, and its blandness, qualities which even the trashiest films manage to avoid.

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